Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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