Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
