i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
