census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
