god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize