turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
