so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
