I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I need help removing her.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
