erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
