Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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