Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
