Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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