3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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