I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
