Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
