thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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