im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
