Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
