Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
