shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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