I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize