what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
