I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
