I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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