my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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