Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
