I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
