apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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