So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
