My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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