I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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