I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
