Got a toothbrush?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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