Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
