I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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