Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
