you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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