i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
