its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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