wrigley field is MILF paradise
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
