u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
