Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
