I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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