It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
