if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
