I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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