guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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