I am puke
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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