The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
