Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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