YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
