can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
