No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
