how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
