if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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