u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
