Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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