Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
