Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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