apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
