i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
