she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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