how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
