i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize