so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
