$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
