They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
