After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
