Sponge bath it is.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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