Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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