Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
