hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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