All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
