Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
