New low: just hacked my moms facebook
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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