Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
