i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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