we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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