There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
