Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
