I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
