also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
