if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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