The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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