He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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