The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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