Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
