if you like me you must not know who I am
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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