Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
