It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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