Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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