pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was born a porn star she said
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
