I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
