You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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