your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
