Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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