No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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