Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
