Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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