hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
