I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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