my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
